I think I'll start with a coming of age story, I wager it's as good a place as any. It starts when I was 8 years old and made abruptly aware of the fact that I was adopted, this made me feel a lot of things not the least of which was fear. This quickly faded replaced by a certain sense of anger or rage that those closest to me were capable of keeping such a secret, or engaging in such deceit. Now at the time I didn't realize it but I was being taught a very profound lesson.
For a long time I allowed this fact to cause a lot of havoc in my life and I increasingly took it to darker and darker places coming to a head in college. I seemed to be aware of a sort of fake-ness of life that I chose to frequently abuse and manipulate to get what I wanted. Now, I was exercising a rather high level function of our biology, that is the one thing that separates us from the other animals, our ability to lie. I figured I wasn't hurting anyone so whats the harm.
I see now though important it is a rather limited level of perception. See the whole time I was really just terrified of the fact that there was no real tying factor between us. We might grasp at things like family and friends because it gives us some sort of stable ground to stand on, but what is it really? I mean what is a father other than some made up term or title that someone long ago decided to coin; that we've chosen to associate today with a sort of meaning, but changes constantly as the years go by.
For instance if I were to say that a father now means a single woman with only two toes and I convince enough of you of this well then that's what it becomes. My point is that we're all just alone, and there's really no hope of understanding each other or life for that matter. Imagine my surprise to learn of the tons of literature on the subject which states the closest we've managed to come to understanding ourselves and the world around us is through science and math, which manages to make us aware of some broad boundaries or constraints, but nothing real concrete.
Now, this might sound trivial to some which would only prove my point that we're hopelessly misunderstood but I guess I've decided to make you aware of it because once known I find it incredibly empowering; your able to put a lot of things in perspective, everything really in a way I think few are able to understand.
For instance lets say you spend your days collecting data you have a really "important title" socially and you think you've achieved something, right. "Ah," you say well I know the numbers I collect them I organize them and I've managed to learn some truth about the world. And maybe you have for I don't know a minute or two, but the numbers never stop coming in or going out and there's no real way to constantly be aware of it, and as the population grows and technology gets better at processing data and the pace of life accelerates eventually the thing you were able to tell me in one minute becomes totally irrelevant in the next. Which begs the question what's the point other than some elaborate magic act. You know my ability to make you think the function I serve is some how meaningful or important to the point that you need it.
To take it one step further it can be said that there are only so many socially defined rolls or categories that people are capable of falling in to. Now, these are predetermined according to certain philosophical, astrological, sociological, psychological and historical guide lines which I'm choosing to selfishly indulge in at the moment, due to the fact that by these principles I fall into the most dominant archetype because of my acute sensitivity to the environment around me. Now it's my personal belief that in order to reach some ultimate level of understanding you would have to occupy and exercise each of the defined personality types simultaneously, but I'm giving myself some time to achieve that one.
In all honesty I think the whole thing is rather funny and childish and the real pursuit of happiness that anyone can hope to achieve comes in our ability to be perfectly content to simply exist and experience life without moving or doing anything. To cease to want.
Now, I understand this might sound totally absurd to some and to those individuals I say venture down the rabbit hole of sociology, psychology, and philosophy and lets see if you don't come to the same conclusion by the end of it. You can consider it your formal wake up call.
For a long time I allowed this fact to cause a lot of havoc in my life and I increasingly took it to darker and darker places coming to a head in college. I seemed to be aware of a sort of fake-ness of life that I chose to frequently abuse and manipulate to get what I wanted. Now, I was exercising a rather high level function of our biology, that is the one thing that separates us from the other animals, our ability to lie. I figured I wasn't hurting anyone so whats the harm.
I see now though important it is a rather limited level of perception. See the whole time I was really just terrified of the fact that there was no real tying factor between us. We might grasp at things like family and friends because it gives us some sort of stable ground to stand on, but what is it really? I mean what is a father other than some made up term or title that someone long ago decided to coin; that we've chosen to associate today with a sort of meaning, but changes constantly as the years go by.
For instance if I were to say that a father now means a single woman with only two toes and I convince enough of you of this well then that's what it becomes. My point is that we're all just alone, and there's really no hope of understanding each other or life for that matter. Imagine my surprise to learn of the tons of literature on the subject which states the closest we've managed to come to understanding ourselves and the world around us is through science and math, which manages to make us aware of some broad boundaries or constraints, but nothing real concrete.
Now, this might sound trivial to some which would only prove my point that we're hopelessly misunderstood but I guess I've decided to make you aware of it because once known I find it incredibly empowering; your able to put a lot of things in perspective, everything really in a way I think few are able to understand.
For instance lets say you spend your days collecting data you have a really "important title" socially and you think you've achieved something, right. "Ah," you say well I know the numbers I collect them I organize them and I've managed to learn some truth about the world. And maybe you have for I don't know a minute or two, but the numbers never stop coming in or going out and there's no real way to constantly be aware of it, and as the population grows and technology gets better at processing data and the pace of life accelerates eventually the thing you were able to tell me in one minute becomes totally irrelevant in the next. Which begs the question what's the point other than some elaborate magic act. You know my ability to make you think the function I serve is some how meaningful or important to the point that you need it.
To take it one step further it can be said that there are only so many socially defined rolls or categories that people are capable of falling in to. Now, these are predetermined according to certain philosophical, astrological, sociological, psychological and historical guide lines which I'm choosing to selfishly indulge in at the moment, due to the fact that by these principles I fall into the most dominant archetype because of my acute sensitivity to the environment around me. Now it's my personal belief that in order to reach some ultimate level of understanding you would have to occupy and exercise each of the defined personality types simultaneously, but I'm giving myself some time to achieve that one.
In all honesty I think the whole thing is rather funny and childish and the real pursuit of happiness that anyone can hope to achieve comes in our ability to be perfectly content to simply exist and experience life without moving or doing anything. To cease to want.
Now, I understand this might sound totally absurd to some and to those individuals I say venture down the rabbit hole of sociology, psychology, and philosophy and lets see if you don't come to the same conclusion by the end of it. You can consider it your formal wake up call.
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